Are you struggling with pornography, compulsive masturbation, affairs, anonymous sex or other sexual behaviors? Does it feel out of control? Do these behaviors affect the quality of your life? Have you been discovered? Are your marriage and relationships at risk? Has it affected your job? Have these behaviors put you at risk physically, emotionally, financially or even legally? Have you tried to stop and failed?

The real problem is an inability to be truly intimate. It’s a negative view of oneself. It’s fear. It is most of all, shame. Sex addiction is actually an effective solution to all these problems. Sex is a primal urge that has direct access to the pleasure centers of the brain. When we are acting out, we can disappear into our behaviors. Unfortunately, once we stop, the shame and fear are back, and amplified. So the cycle starts again. With each cycle the shame, fear and isolation get worse. The acting out behaviors are probably getting worse too. The problem is the solution and the solution is the problem. 

There’s a better way; connection. You can’t do this alone. Fortunately, you are not alone. Millions of men have suffered from this, myself included. And many have found recovery, myself included. By learning how to connect, building community, and practicing integrity, you too, can live a much better life.

Like a lot of sex addicts, my addiction started very young, and progressively got worse over decades. Each time it escalated, I doubled down on the idea that I was never, ever going to tell anyone. On the outside, I was projecting an idyllic life to the world. I had a family, a successful career in television, a nice home in Brooklyn and beautiful family vacation photos. On the inside I was miserable. Worse yet, I was so used to being miserable I couldn’t see how miserable I was. And then, finally, my addiction was forced out into the light. It was the worst day of my life. In what felt like an instant, I was out of my home, my marriage was in shambles, my career seemed to be over and I wasn’t sure if I’d see my daughter again. 

It was also the best day of my life. It finally set me on a path to recovery. Stunned, suicidal and hopeless, I got myself into recovery meetings and treatment. I did the work. I gained a community of fellow recovering addicts. Slowly, I built back trust with my wife and rebuilt my relationship with my daughter. After some time, and some serious soul searching about the impact of my former career on my mental and emotional health, I found myself working at a sex addiction treatment facility. It was there that I became a certified recovery coach and discovered the healing power of helping others heal from this terrible disease.

 After a three year separation, I reconciled with my wife and moved back home. We are now living a beautiful life, filled with recovery, friends, the outdoors and lots of love, with our daughter and two dogs in Boulder, Colorado.

A recovery coach can be an essential third leg of the stool of recovery, providing much needed stability. A therapist or counselor is essential for treating trauma and past wounds. 12 step programs or church-based groups can help us create a vibrant spiritual life. A coach takes a practical, boots on the ground approach to recovery. We will work together to create measurable goals and concrete plans for achieving them. We will work on usable, day-to-day tools and accountability.